Random Penguinisms

Evil Queen

2011-04-23T08:44:00.000-04:00

Wow – where to begin with the ex-wife...please keep in mind these are things she told her kids, her family, and all of their friends (of whom none speak to my husband any more).

Lie #1:

“He just all of a sudden abandoned me. I had no idea.”

I know that before their marriage ended, the ex-wife was well aware for months this was happening, and in fact participated in making it happen. He paid off all of her bills (including her gambling debts), helped her get a new job (she got fired from the old one for lying about time), and set her up with a place to live before he would even consider leaving. It was she who actually stole his credit card and packed up and left one night – so he left.

Lie #2:

“He left me because of her. She destroyed my marriage.”

I laugh at this because we have known each other for years. I used to babysit their kids. I was invited to his 40^th birthday party – by her. Just because he chose to move to my city (out of three choices) doesn’t mean there was anything going on. I simply helped him get set up with an apartment.

Lie #3:

“Her son is really HIS son.”

Really, lady, check your timing. I lived @6000 miles away from you when my son was conceived – this was just cruel to your children – who believed you! And apparently so did everyone else because even my mother-in-law wanted to see pictures of my son’s father...

Those are just the big ones I remember and all the kids knew about the divorce because I wouldn’t let him say anything bad about her to them. In my previous post you see how well that went over, and they believed every word she said.

She also sued him after the divorce was final for money that was taken care of in the divorce (after she had remarried). She lied and said he took it all but it was plainly documented in the papers where the money had gone. That’s was a quick $1500 in legal fees out of our pocket. Then she hacked the credit card accounts, changing passwords and deleting ebills so we would be late with bills for which he was responsible. We tried to get an order of protection, but she hired a lawyer from 1000 miles away to fight it (???) which was another quick $1500 out of our pocket, and it got denied because she lives out of state. For two or three years we endured a barrage of never-ending emails and phone messages, again even after she was remarried.

What she doesn’t know is his phone is set to not ring when she calls now. We’ve saved all of the emails, and taped all of the phone messages, because we always wonder what’s going to come up next and want to be protected. After all this is a woman who, when they were married and my husband was in intensive care, walked in, took off her wedding rings, said I’m engaged to someone else, I never loved you, you keep the kids, and oh by the way – our oldest son is not really yours.” (Note – the oldest son is why they were married in the first place – he was the rich man in town’s son – she got pregnant on purpose).

I have not had the displeasure of seeing this person in years, thankfully. I wish it were possible for me never to, but it’s inevitable as there are “children” involved. When it does happen, she will get nothing but pure Southern kindness on my part and won’t even know what hit her.

Wicked Stepchildren

2011-01-18T18:11:00.006-05:00

I have wicked stepchildren. There – I really said it. And my husband’s ex-wife is truly a you-know-what – but that will be a later posting – the story is too long for one. I need to get this out of my system – and am frankly sick and tired of being the wicked stepmother for no reason. I understand change and divorce are hard at any age – been there, done that – as a child and as an adult. The reaction of my husband’s children to our marriage has devastated my husband, and has been slowly destroying me. I figure if I get it out, maybe I will feel better and we can move on with our lives. I certainly can’t get it out to them. A few background facts:

All of my stepsons were grown when I married their father (mid-twenties or older and out of the house).

All had finished college (one had quit and was working).

Two were already married – the last is now married.

I have four step-grandchildren - only one of whom I or my husband has ever seen in person.

I’ve seen two of my stepchildren in person twice - total.

Only one son showed up where we live when their father had a heart attack and was in cardiac intensive care (which I very much appreciated).

Only one son (a different one) has made any kind of effort to communicate with me. We have an on-again/mostly-off-again emailing relationship because his wife hates me.

One son has never spoken to me at all, nor has his wife. They hate me in abstentia as well.

At this point, I don’t care if they want a relationship with me. Would it be nice – of course. Will I die if I don’t – certainly not. I have plenty of devoted family and friends. I am mainly emotionally drained by seeing what their behavior does to my husband.

They don’t call their father on holidays, Father’s Day, or birthdays. They text. Yes, I said TEXT – and sporadically at that. Not even a card. I’ve had to console him sobbing several times because his children are so unfeeling and uncaring. Last year I had absolutely had it and sent them an email telling them they were acting like literal children, their father was inconsolable, and I was worried about his health in relation to him always breaking down (i.e. heart attack). I was harsh – and I was mad. I told them to step up and act like adults. I even told them I didn’t care what they felt about me, but that they were slowly killing their father. The response I received, from one of their WIVES no less, who has never MET me, verbally berated me for saying something in the first place, saying he had suddenly “abandoned” all of them, and this was all his fault. Her husband even said his father had just RUINED their wedding…

Side note – I find this particularly amusing as my husband purposefully decided to not to end his marriage until after the wedding was over so it wouldn’t disrupt his son’s marriage. Can you say narcissist?

Before anyone (ha ha) wonders – I am not a second “trophy” wife. I am a middle-aged mom. My husband and I are two years apart in age. We were not “dating” each other when he left his ex-wife. He left because he had been miserable for years, successfully hid it, and he felt he had “done right” by his children.

I suppose you would understand more if you knew the rest of the story…stay tuned. The ex-wife makes the wicked queen look like the fairy godmother.

Wow – do I feel better or what? :)

The True Gauge of Musical Fan-Ness

2010-05-24T16:37:00.002-04:00

I created this blog several weeks ago and never finished setting it all up. Things, as they always do, became too hectic. I lost time - or maybe time lost me. Who knows? I thought as I was creating this I would try to write a really profound statement in my very first blog ever, something that would influence lives, make people laugh, be spiritualistic, change the world!! Not gonna happen.

Anyway, here goes...

I should start by saying that although all of my friends think I am the "biggest U2 fan in the history of the world," I by no means qualify for this title. I have only been to a handful of shows. Yes, I will travel (within reason) to see a show. Yes, I have almost everything they've ever done. Yes, I have too many U2 shirts to mention. Yes, I am a geeky member of U2.com. Yet all of these things are face value things - things people see me do and have. There are millions of others just like me out there. I don't think there is any such thing as the "biggest U2 fan in the history of the world."

I liked U2 when they first came out - LIKED, not went crazy over. It was not until I heard "Bad" that I was drawn in, and not until the Joshua Tree that I was hooked. I was LANDED after seeing "Rattle and Hum" and then my first live performance and how I felt afterwards. The sheer intensity of their performance seemed to fill a gap in my soul somewhere when I most needed it, and continues to do so now. I have a decent amount of music in my collection, and yet whenever I need to feel better or to celebrate life - I always turn to U2. My comfort zone. The Joshua Tree has gotten me through more bad times than I would bore you with - it forced me off the floor when I thought I couldn't get up (or breathe) from the sheer desperation of what I was facing. There is nothing like belting "Pride" in your car at the top of your lungs in the car with your friends (even though you know you can't quite hit that note) when you are feeling good (or "Elevation" or "Vertigo" for that matter). I wonder sometimes how I would have ever made it without them.

Some people don't understand this. That's ok. I don't understand death metal, but I appreciate others' appreciation. It's not my job to like what they like - only to accept that they like it. I get tired of people who U2-hate or Bono-hate, and right now, especially the latter. I've seen several comments in several places in the past few days continuing this bashing and frankly - it's just inappropriate. The man apparently has been injured fairly badly and kicking him while he is down is just wrong. Poison is not a band I'm particularly fond of, yet because I know what their music might mean to others (and out of simple human decency), I only wish Bret Michaels the best in recovering from his health issues.

Whether you love U2 or detest them doesn't matter to me. Their music has shaped me, helped me, saved me, and lifted me whenever I needed it. I'm sure other artists have done the same for someone else.

I think the only true gauge of musical "fan-ness" is far more personal than what you own and how many concerts you've seen. The true gauge of musical fan-ness exists only in how the music of a band or artist makes you FEEL, and also accepting that other bands and artists make other people feel the exact same way. The power I feel from U2 is no different than the power someone else feels from another band or artist - it just comes from a different place. We should accept this difference, yet celebrate its sameness.

Get well, Bono. Take your time, do it right, THEN let us in the sound again.